Category Archives: Marriage

New Zine: The Life of a Mormon Anarchist Housewife #1

Yes, I realize the perceived contradictions in the title of this new zine–and so does its author.  That’s one reason I have ants in my pants as I look forward to reading it!

Issue #1 “It’s a Girl!” lays out a foundation for understanding how author Kristina reconciles her two “most valued identities”–Anarchism and Mormonism.

With pieces on the fundamentals of both worldviews, plus a vegan blueberry muffin recipe and pieces on homophobia, organizing, and outlaw midwives, The Life of a Mormon Anarchist Housewife seems poised to rock my Thursday night.

Read it for free here!

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Over-Working, Under-Parenting

double rainbow

When I came home from work tonight, my partner handed me a beautiful plate of homemade food, and my daughter squealed & ran to hug me.  Perfect, right?

Perfect except for the fact that her squeal spiked my blood pressure and his soup had parmesan & honey in it.  Honey & parmesan in sweet potato & squash soup, really?

“I love you, Mommy.  Mona jump on your tummy!  Tickle tickle!”

All I could think was, Get off my ribs, sit down, and watch this cartoon quietly with me.  NOW.

And then I realized who I was–I was the cliche American father arriving home, putting his briefcase by the door, loosening his necktie, and leaning back in the recliner to watch TV.  The day had been so long and unpleasant that even the beauty of my brilliant and loving little family couldn’t dig me out of my hole.

I can’t be that guy.

That guy who calls himself a dad but spends zero time with his kids.  That guy who wastes the little time he has with his family being grumpy and authoritarian and distracted rather than reveling in every little giggle and every romantic caress.

I should be grateful for the funky squash soup and the tiny feet jumping on my tummy.  People wait their whole lives for what I have, and sometimes never even find it.  And I have it–waiting for me at the end of every shitty work day, at the end of every late night & early morning study session, and after every time I forget to be immensely grateful for their very existence.

I love you Jake & Ramona.

Stay Away, Non-Monogamy

I chose to leave non-monogamy behind a few years ago.  I no longer had it in me to navigate the pressure and the commitment involved in holding so many people’s hearts in your hands.

People think that non-monogamy is ‘free’ and easy and involves less rules than conventional relationships.  But in reality it involves MORE work and MORE risk and MORE agreements and arrangements and communication than monogamy does. 

It’s hard, it’s difficult, and it’s dangerous.  That is, if you’re not good at it.  And I’m not good at it. 

And I’m not willing to risk the amazing connection I have with my partner just so I can feel good and desired and like a good radical.  Yes, it could be nice to have more than one person in the world to share my deepest self with.  But I know me, and I know that me doesn’t follow rules very well, and I know that non-monogamy involves a lot of rules.

Judge Marries Woman & Her Abuser to Avoid Abuser’s Conviction

 Weddings happen every day, and so do spur-of-the-moment elopements, for that matter.  But this was no case of humoring a young couple’s infatuation with each other.

A Baltimore County Judge recently volunteered to conduct a marriage ceremony for a woman and her abuser in his courtroom, so that the man’s charges could be dropped.  The idea was that once the couple was married, the woman would be able to invoke her spousal privilege so she wouldn’t have  to testify against her boyfriend, despite the fact that he had smashed her face in and threatened to kill her.   Continue reading